1-1 half-time score in Papal slanging match

Funny story written by queen mudder

Saturday, 16 September 2006

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Papal slanging match equaliser?

Vatican City - (Associated Mess): The "evil and inhuman things" slanging match war of words between the Pope and the Islamic world has equalised today with the half-time score standing at one all following the publication of official UK State Secrets photo archives showing Pope Ratzinger's own Holy Father wearing some of the official ceremonial regalia of his Third Reich empire.

The move was authorised by the Non-Islamic Council of Great Britain after it came out in sympathy with opponents of Joseph Ratzinger's smearing of the seventh century Prophet Mohammed in a re-opening of ancient Crusade-era wounds in the Christian world's war for the hearts, minds and wallets of wannabee faithfuls.

And although the Pontifical Office for Official Smears, Insults and Innuendos continued its rearguard action to pour crude oil on troubled waters after the Papal outburst in Bavaria yesterday, their goodwill statements cut no ice among humbug-watchers around the world who marvelled how the man who fathered Osama Bin Laden by cross-fertilization with India's former Prime Monster Indira Ghandi had the gall to re-start the religious slanging match in the first place.

In a tersely worded statement, the Pope's pubic relations honcho at the Vatican said: "The Holy Father is very sorry that some passages of his speech may have sounded inoffensive.

"That was never his intention, he merely wanted to straighten the record about lengthy turf wars started by opponents of the Council of Nicea about indisputable religious convictions.

"There is no connection whatsoever between organised religion and organised crime and anybody who says otherwise must be a CIA spook or worse."

But such reassurances did nothing to calm the situation which has now escalated to melting point.

Today, the Pope's host Germany's Chancellor Angela Merkel told a televised press conference that it was every octogenerian old fascist's number one duty to make sure that he/she was minunderstood by the majority of the public most of the time they made any partisan pronouncements at fundraiser events during times of crisis when the coffers were running on empty.

"What Pope Ratzinger said in Bavaria ", Merkel told the gathered Press Corpse, "can be likened to Margaret Thatcher telling the British voters in 2005 that 'the enemy is Socialism and the Labour Party' when she knows full well that Prime Monster Tony Blair's wife Cherry Bush QC is her very own daughter by the late demised crook Robert Maxwell RIP.

"I state my case."

Her words were reported around the world which tonight waits agog with glee for America's President George W Bush to weigh in on the subject - after a respectful three days staying absolutely mum on the subject.

A White House spokesperson said today that the President was considering his position after some American newspapers commented that the Pope's Bavarian visit had been bankrolled.....er, sponsored - that is - by the Bush family's alma mater the Ancient American Order of the Skull 'N' Bones which itself had written 99% of the Papal script for the speech he made this week.

More details are expected later.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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