Pope Insults Islam in Germany

Funny story written by Felix Minderbinder

Friday, 15 September 2006

image for Pope Insults Islam in Germany
Pope offends Islam in a Bavarian beerhall

BAVARIA (Reuters) -- Pope Benedict has deeply offended Islam and harmed worldwide religious harmony according to government and religious leaders in the world's most populous Muslim countries, Indonesia and Pakistan.

Yet the Vatican promptly issued a statement to say the Pope had certainly meant to offend Islam, and that his comments were "a good thing."

In his speech at the University of Regensburg in Bavaria, Germany on Tuesday, Benedict repeatedly quoted anti-Islam and anti-Mohammad racist comments by the 14th century Byzantine Emperor Manuel II Paleologusgus, who wrote that everything Mohammad brought was evil and inhuman, "such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached."

Benedict went on to say that only Israel, the CIA and the United States military had the right to use violence in their "holy war" against Islam, which was aimed at obtaining oil from those "darky oil horders."

"Also, the Crusades that my Church sponsored were really great things too, just like Israel's recent destruction of Lebanon and on-going theft of the land that rightly belongs to the Palestinians," said the controversial Pontiff after he downed several steins of dark Bavarian beer.

The Pope then reminisced about his halcyon days as a Hitler Youth in the area, and admired a display of goose-stepping neo-Nazis who marched pass the Papal entourage.

Benedict repeatedly quoted Manuel II's argument that spreading the Islamic faith through violence is unreasonable, adding: "Violence is only incompatible with the nature of the God of the Old Testament and the Republican soul."

Yet now a growing chorus of Muslim leaders have called on the Pope to apologize for the remarks he made in his German speech on Tuesday when he used the terms "jihad" and "holy war."

Pakistan's National Assembly unanimously passed a resolution on Friday condemning the Pope's comments.
"This statement has hurt the feelings of the Muslims," the resolution said. "This is also against the charter of the United Nations. This house demands the Pope retract his remarks in the interest of harmony among different religions of the world."

Islamic countries throughout the globe then broke off relations with the Vatican, the USA and Israel and launched a new oil embargo against the West.

"The Pope's statements reflect his lack of wisdom and total stupidity. It is obvious from the statements that the Pope doesn't have the slightest understanding of Islam, and he is merely a frontman for Israel, the CIA and Exxon Mobil," said Dindin Syamsuddinsuddinman, chairman of Muhammadiyahiyah, the second largest Islamic organization in Indonesia.

The Vatican press office added that the Pope had not only intended to offend Islam but that he sought to carry out an in-depth jihad (holy war) against Muslim countries.

The press office went on to state that Washington's response to September 11, unjustifiably attacking and invading Afghanistan and Iraq and destroying civil freedoms was "entirely justified" because the West needed oil, and the Pontiff was now actively working for Western oil companies and Israel to this end.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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