Ratzinger to pray for Blair miracle

Funny story written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 6 September 2006

image for Ratzinger to pray for Blair miracle
"That's ten grand for Holy Masss and a wrap of coke for the altar boys"

Downing Street, London SW1 1AA - (Associated Mess): The Prime Monster's wife Cherry Bush QC has flown to the Vatican to beg the Pope to pray for a miracle to save her disaster-struck husband who faces the gallows for treason at the end of the week.

As scores of Labour Party ministers and Members of Parliament continue to petition Blair to resign "before the troops come knocking on the door of No 10 and the gibbet arrives at Traitors' Gate", a desperate Cherie has had an audience with Pope Ratzinger and slipped him the customary £10,000 in an anonynous brown envelope in exchange for a Con-Celebrated full-regalia bell-book-and-candle Holy Mass to be said along with the customary burning of five kilos of frankinsence and a snort of coke for the altar boys afterwards.

A Pontifical spokesman reported that the Holy Father is in sympathetic mood to the Blairs' plight following the Prime Monster's June visit to the Vatican this year when he gave Joseph Ratzinger his personal assurance that all documents, DNA evidence, bank account details and related blood-stained clothing belonging to 'God'd Banker' Roberto Calvi had been destroyed in the Downing Street incinerator along with video-taped police interviews with the prime Opus Dei suspects still working as Pontifical fund-raisers within the European Union.

Meanwhile in Washington DC, a bewildered President George Bush Junior has poured scorn on any suggestions implying that Blair has been a piss-poor War on Terra leader and has praised his military skills, comparing him to their mutual late grand-father:

"Tony Blair has been as awesome as Adolf Hitler", said the President, "and deserves all that is coming to him in the glorious future."

But the mood back home in Great Britain is sombre as the UK press continues to report a deluge of Signs and Omens foreboding disaster around the time of this week's impending eclipsed full moon in the sign of Pisces, the sign of the fishes and the sign of the drunk.....

First, the normally crystalline clear waters of the Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Fountain in London's Hype Park began to foam mysteriously at midnight as a pack of baying wolves ran amock outside Buckingham Palace en-route toward No 10 Downing Street.

Then the Tower of London became bathed in a spooky blood-red mist as Mayor of London Ken Livingstone had predicted in his maiden speech in 2000 when he warned Blair's fall from glory would be bloody awful for just about all politicians in the UK.

Then finally and most ominously of all, a mysterious giant bat-like figure emanated from Margaret Thatcher's Chester Square residence and flew across the London sky before alighting on the roof of the Russian Embassy where it performed a macabre naked lap-dancing routine down the flag-pole in the legation's flood-lit roof-terrace.

Back in the Vatican, the Pontifical Mass is expected to be televised tomorrow evening just as the full moon begins its eclipse and billions of inhabitants of planet earth all join in the prayer for the Prime Monster.....to go now, now, NOW while the going is still good.

Arield Sharon, 84, remains in a coma in Tel Aviv.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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