US Government Announces Immediate Ban On All Firearms

Written by Sidney Bollocks

Monday, 23 July 2012

image for US Government Announces Immediate Ban On All Firearms
Don't worry, you'll still be able to take out missiles and satellites.

In a move which has surprised many, US President Barack Obama has announced that his government will legislate for an immediate ban on the private ownership of all firearms.

The ban is believed to include ownership of handguns, rifles, semi-automatic weapons, automatic assault weapons, shoulder fired anti-tank and anti-aircraft weapons, post-1990 main battle tanks and intercontinental ballistic missiles. It is not, however, thought likely that the ban will include anti-ballistic missile lasers.

Special depots will be established for people to surrender their weapons and an amnesty will be granted until Thanksgiving, later this year.

A White House staffer commented, "This kills two birds with one stone. Firstly, it disarms the homegrown killers we seem to generate in alarming numbers. Also, during these times of severe government austerity, it allows us to arm the Free Syrian Army and other opposition groups in that country."

An NRA spokesman said, "Goddamn communist bastard. First he wants to give us greater access to healthcare, now he wants to protect us from ourselves. Whatever next? I suppose he'll open the files on JFK."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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