"It ain't over till Aunt Zulu Sings," so said Donald Trump today after revealing that President Barack Obama claimed 17 dependents on his 2010 tax return!
Trump, standing in the wings as Hair Apparent for the 2012 Presidential Election, ratcheted up pressure against Obama with his latest block buster revelations.
According to Trump, using private investigators, moles in the White House, Google and Wikipedia, a thorough scrutiny of Obama's 2310 page tax return identified 17 dependents thereby reducing his tax burden by over 35% on his $1.7M reported income.
"Unlike General Electric," said Trump at a press conference on the first tee of his new golf course in Scotland, "at least he paid something, but he certainly didn't prove to anyone, and especially me, that he was willing to share in the American Taxpayers sacrifice!"
Trump claims that Obama took deductions for Bo, the White House Dog, his Aunt Zeituni living comfortably on Boston welfare after receiving a 'miraculous' reprieve from 4 deportation orders. 'Aunt Zulu', as she is affectionately called by Barry was granted asylum as she claimed if she returned to Kenya she would be prosecuted for Mau Mau crimes which she still blames on Winston Churchill and Britain which led to 'bad things!"
Obama also claimed he was supporting his 1/2 brother George in Kenya, who is said to be surviving on $1 dollar a month in a shack made out of pressed Coors Lite beer cans even though Obama's Weatherization Team did journey over to caulk all the seams along the dirt floor and install bug screening on the vacant window openings.
Adding a titillating mystery to the tax return is his claim of supporting 10 children, that an official who can not be named, said was the off spring between Obama and his Muslim Grammar School Sweet heart whilst he spent his formative years in Indonesia.
There was also a substantial deduction in addition to the standard allowance, for keeping Michelle's mother 'in the style she was accustomed' even though she was living free in a separate wing of the White House known previously as "Bill Clinton's Cigar Humidor and Entertainment Center."
Trump is now calling for a full financial forensic investigation of Obama's finances, a congressional investigation of Aunt Zulu with a promise of immunity if she comes clean, and a DNA sample from Obama should he produce any of his alleged multiple children at a future press conference to 'dispel all this silliness."