Jack LaLanne's body "will be juiced" states wife

Funny story written by mattymc13

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Hey!

The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Jack LaLanne's body "will be juiced" states wife

A decision has finally been made on how to dispose of the body of fitness guru Jack LaLanne following his death in January.

Two months on, and after complaints from the mortuary that the ageing corpse was beginning to "reek of rotten apples", Jack's wife, Elaine LaLanne, was finally forced into making a decision.

In a statement released late last night, the emotional widow stated it was "always Jack's wish to be juiced in the event of his death."

She then explained the delay in announcing the decision was down to the manufacturer of her husband patented Power Juicer.

"I asked them to make a life size juicer, so I could juice him all at once. I could have used the one in my kitchen, but I would have had to have cut him into hundreds of tiny little bits, and Jack wouldn't have wanted me to do that."

The juicing ceremony, which will take place on the 18th of March, will be open to the public in Morro Bay, California. And the lucky ones may also get the chance to take home a beaker of LaLanne puree.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more