Jack LaLanne's body "will be juiced" states wife

Funny story written by mattymc13

Wednesday, 16 March 2011


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A decision has finally been made on how to dispose of the body of fitness guru Jack LaLanne following his death in January.

Two months on, and after complaints from the mortuary that the ageing corpse was beginning to "reek of rotten apples", Jack's wife, Elaine LaLanne, was finally forced into making a decision.

In a statement released late last night, the emotional widow stated it was "always Jack's wish to be juiced in the event of his death."

She then explained the delay in announcing the decision was down to the manufacturer of her husband patented Power Juicer.

"I asked them to make a life size juicer, so I could juice him all at once. I could have used the one in my kitchen, but I would have had to have cut him into hundreds of tiny little bits, and Jack wouldn't have wanted me to do that."

The juicing ceremony, which will take place on the 18th of March, will be open to the public in Morro Bay, California. And the lucky ones may also get the chance to take home a beaker of LaLanne puree.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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