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Funny satire stories about Fruit

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Funny story: Fruit Was Off

Fruit Was Off

There was drama in Southeast Asia this morning when a man who had intended to eat some yellow watermelon for breakfast discovered after opening his fridge, that the fruit was off, and by some quite considerable distance! Moys Kenwood, 47, had boug...

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Funny story: Target Continues Its Nonsensical Non-Labelling

Target Continues Its Nonsensical Non-Labelling

In its sweep of non-labelling, Target turned the tables on fruit lovers. Not wanting to offend anyone, its fruits, fresh or packaged, will now be thrown into a large bin and with signage: Fruit Flavored Stuff. "If you want a lime for your Coron...

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Funny story: New warning to Scotland's parents - shock 'substance' abuse heads north

New warning to Scotland's parents - shock 'substance' abuse heads north

Health Scotland, Police Scotland and Mars Confectionery issued a joint warning to Scotland's parents and teenagers last night as fears grow around a new substance abuse crisis sweeping large areas of the central belt in Scotland. Teens and pasty face...

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Funny story: FDA Rules That Fruit Sticker Shock Not Harmful

FDA Rules That Fruit Sticker Shock Not Harmful

Silver Spring, MD - The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has released it's official position regarding fruit sticker-shock. The FDA has determined that no physical harm results and that any emotional repercussions are outside its official juri...

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Funny story: Pears Downgraded from Fruit to Dwarf-fruit

Pears Downgraded from Fruit to Dwarf-fruit

In a move that has stunned and outraged pear aficionados around the world, pears have been downgraded from a fruit to a dwarf fruit. The move comes after the latest annual conference of the International Fruit Tree Association, or IFTA. The conferenc...

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Funny story: Archaeologists In Indiana Make A Remarkable Discovery

Archaeologists In Indiana Make A Remarkable Discovery

INDIANAPOLIS, Indiana - A group of Archaeologists affiliated with Johnny Appleseed University in Indianapolis have come across an astounding archaeological find. The group leader Dr. Larson Tuckteen has informed the news media that they have come...

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Funny story: Rohypnol one of your five-a-day claims offender

Rohypnol one of your five-a-day claims offender

Drink-spiking drug and racoon laxative, Rohypnol, actually counts as one of your five-a-day according to sometimes sex offender, Gavin McCloroform. Gavin, a thirty-eight-year-old dietician from Cardiff, claims the drug is misunderstood and with t...

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Funny story: WHO Encorages Sex With Fruit Through New 10 Point Memorandum

WHO Encorages Sex With Fruit Through New 10 Point Memorandum

ANKARA: At a conference in Ankara, Turkey yesterday, the World Health Organisation validated it's 10 point memorandum encouraging sexual relations with a fruit.  The general consensus is to eradicate lonliness with alternate, safe and satisfying f...

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Funny story: Plum shortage hits fruit machines

Plum shortage hits fruit machines

A European plum shortage has hit manufacturers of Fruit Machines in the UK. "The UK is the number one exporter of fruit machines, one arm bandits and the like," said Jason Orange, former member of Take That and owner of Fruit Inc. "We export to th...

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Funny story: Dentists want a reduction from 5-a-day

Dentists want a reduction from 5-a-day

Dentists across the UK are opposed to government measures to increase the so-called 5-a-day, and want the opposite. "We need Britons to reduce to three a day, or even two a day," said Denby Twist of the Dorking Dentistry School. "The last thing we...

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Funny story: Bumper crop of scrumpers and bramble ramblers due to austerity measures.

Bumper crop of scrumpers and bramble ramblers due to austerity measures.

The conurbations of England may have seen its share of troubles of late, with hoards of the great unwanted roaming the shopping arcades and retail boulevards, on the look out for a free take home treat of a flat TV or DVD, but an altogether quieter r...

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Funny story: Flashing lights on fruit machines are coded messages

Flashing lights on fruit machines are coded messages

Mathematicians at Cambridge have cracked the secret code behind the flashing lights on Fruit Machines in pubs up and down the country, and the news is not good. "To put it simply," said Nick Harvey, head of Prime Numbers at Cambridge, "the iterati...

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Funny story: Letters To The Editor From The Variously Afflicted

Letters To The Editor From The Variously Afflicted

Dear Sir, I melon to you as one who wishes to draw the pomegranate of your readers to the grape of those who are forced to endure the banana called "fruit insertion coconut", by which they are tomato to substitute the starfruits of fruits for the actual mandarins they really want to apple. As blackberry can no strawberry pineapple, this is a very apricot condition for both sufferers and thos...

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Funny story: F.D.A. Declares Kool-Aid A Fruit In School Lunch Program

F.D.A. Declares Kool-Aid A Fruit In School Lunch Program

Parents who look to their children's school lunches as a source of nutrition can now rest easy, knowing that their Federal Government (through the Food and Drug Administration) has declared Kool-Aid to be a fruit. The beverage will count as a full se...

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Funny story: Jack LaLanne's body "will be juiced" states wife

Jack LaLanne's body "will be juiced" states wife

A decision has finally been made on how to dispose of the body of fitness guru Jack LaLanne following his death in January. Two months on, and after complaints from the mortuary that the ageing corpse was beginning to "reek of rotten apples", Jac...

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Funny story: Fruit and Vegetable sex toys

Fruit and Vegetable sex toys

A recent survey carried out by Girl Play magazine has revealed a liking of fruit and vegetables as sex toys among sexually active and adventurous women. "The most popular vegetable was the carrot," said magazine editor, Andrea Fuller. "Women repor...

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Funny story: Five a day is not enough

Five a day is not enough

Nutritionists working for the Government's Ministry of Health and Safety have announced that the current recommendation of five portions of fruit and veg a day is not enough and it should be raised to eight or nine a day. "We have found that a dec...

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