Obama Thanks Chinese for Gunpowder

Funny story written by Charles Heiner

Friday, 21 January 2011

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The Pride of America

At a January 19th meeting in the Oval Office with Chinese president Hu Jintao, Barack Obama expressed his gratitude to the Chinese people for their 9th century invention of gunpowder, without which, he said, the American way of life would not be possible.

"Ever since the Mayflower landed at Plymouth Rock," he said, "Americans have had a close relationship to gunpowder. Gunpowder fires the guns we use at home and abroad. In our streets, in our schools, and in faraway lands, our fondness for the smell of gunpowder is matched only by our lust for blood. In Argentina, Chile, Haiti, Nicaragua, Korea, Panama, the Philippines, Cuba, Puerto Rico, Guam, Samoa, Honduras, the Dominican Republic, Mexico, Russia, Yugoslavia, Guatemala, Turkey, El Salvador, Iran, Uruguay, Greece, Germany, Vietnam, Egypt, Lebanon, Iraq, Laos, Indonesia, Cambodia, Oman, Angola, Libya, Grenada, Bolivia, the Virgin Islands, Liberia, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Somalia, Bosnia, Congo, Albania, Sudan, Afghanistan, Yemen, Macedonia, Columbia, Morocco, Algeria, Tunisia, Italy, France, Belgium, Luxembourg, Czechoslovakia, Austria, Japan, the Marshall Islands, the Mariana Islands, the Solomon Islands, New Guinea, Kiribati, and yes," Obama said, smiling awkwardly and putting a hand on Hu's shoulder, "even against our friends in China, gunpowder has played a significant role in achieving American objectives. From the tribes of Native America in the seventeenth century, to the tribes of Pakistan today, it has aided us in the killing of millions."

"Your praise brings our nation great honor," said Hu through an interpreter. "Thank you, and hail Satan."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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