Michigan Allows Prostitution at Native American Casinos

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Friday, 15 October 2010

image for Michigan Allows Prostitution at Native American Casinos
This won't be the only way to take a chance.

Unable to pass the legalization of state-wide privatized prostitution through its house of representatives, Michigan lawmakers have agreed to allow Native American groups to open those extended personal services in existing Casinos on protected Reservation grounds.

Not willing to give up completely on the potential 50% tax revenue from prostitution services, the financially destitute state government compromised with regional tribal elders to complete the landmark deal. While Native American Casinos will be allowed to control the pricing of services, driven partly by market demand, the state will collect 37% of the service price in tax. The State will also control the regulation of service provider health through monthly blood, stool and saliva screenings, which of course results in a screening fee to be collected from each personal service technician. Service providers will be required to post their current health certification in plain view for potential customer review.

"We feel that this is an equitable deal for both the State and our Native American Business partners", says Michigan Department of the Interior Secretary, Dewey Fisstum. "We still collect the 37% tax on retail pricing, income tax from the personal service providers as well as health screening fees, but the Casinos can charge whatever they want in return. It's clearly a screaming orgasm, I mean a win-win for all parties involved".

While the law is expected to go into effect before the end of the year, Casinos are scrambling to secure enough bordello space for the expected rush of new customers. Early reports support the boom of the construction trade near those casinos, while Casino Marketing teams are busy figuring out new promotions. Potowatomi Casino Marketing VP, Dan Magnus says, "We think the Christmas Gift Certificates are going to go over well. Nothing says 'I Love You' better than a coupon for a rub and tug, especially if somebody's wife is sick of providing those services herself."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more