Posh Woman Breaks Silence - "I Am Not A Prostitute, Or A Nymphomaniac - I Am An Executive Literary Editor"

Written by Skoob1999

Monday, 27 September 2010

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Heh Heh! Sorted!

The posh woman from Surrey, accused by neighbours of being a prostitute, or a nymphomaniac, has finally broken her silence and revealed exclusively to Skoob News that she has absolutely nothing to hide.

"I am an Executive Literary Editor and consultant to several London publishing houses," Antonia Harcourt-Muesli told us. "I have no idea where the locals get the idea from that I'm some kind of tart. On the contrary, I'm happily married - to Richard - and we are trying for a baby."

When confronted by allegations that she always smiled at men, and that she had been seen out with the top button of her blouse undone, she simply laughed and told us that she was a gregarious person, quite at ease with meeting new people, and insisted that the 'top button' incident must have been an oversight.

She did add that some grubby man had been arrested the other night in her back garden and found to be in possession of a pair of binoculars, a rubber overcoat, and a well-thumbed edition of "VAJAZZLED!" magazine.

"The Lord only knows what he was doing out there," she said. "But I shall be pressing charges. It's more than a tad disconcerting for a lady to discover a man in her garden armed with a pair of binoculars and a rubber coat. After dark. With a torch too."

When we went further and quizzed her about the purchase of a pair of Marigolds and a bottle of extra virgin olive oil at Waitrose, her face reddened, she looked down at the carpet and mumbled:

"I'd really rather not discuss that..."

More as we get it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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