Borrowing technology invented in the UK, President Obama announced today a break thru in combating Global Warming by appearing at a ribbon cutting ceremony at a brand new Sewage Treatment Plant off the West Wing which he said will cut the country's reliance on Fossil Fuels!
"It's time for this country to go BROWN," said the half African President, "for too long this country's pursuit of fossil fuel has led to the enslavement of millions, the robbing of other country's riches, and caused it's dependency on the Automobile!"
"Those days are over," declared the President, " Thanks to the Brits we've finally found a way to turn all the SHIT generated in the White House into a positive out flow of creative energy....thanks to this new process, when you in Iowa are heating your homes this winter, or when you're reheating that Mac & Cheese in your kitchen in Detroit, just think, 20 days ago this fuel emanated right here in the executive bathroom when Michelle took her constitutional!"
"Just remember, when your fuel bills go down, and it's time to vote this November, who loves ya BABY!"
The President's Energy Secretary, Milton Gobshite, a former Harvard Professor who came in last for a recent Nobel Prize Award, said the process was developed by a company in Oxfordshire and only cost the American Taxpayer $14B plus shipping & handling, but not including installation.
According to Gobshite, the human waste is turned into 'sludge' in the treatment plant, than further broken down to eliminate odor by bacteria developed in China that feast on the biodegradable waste and turn it into 'usable' gas for energy.
Gobshite said the procedure normally takes about 20 days before the gas would actually reach American's homes for use, but he and his staff are working on a short cut in the process since everyone knows "Barry's and Michelle's SHIT don't stink," which would allow consumers "to get the President's gas about 10 days sooner!"
According to White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, the last remaining member of Barry's Chicago Cabal, "This shows that the President is taking the nation's future security to heart!"
In an answer to a cynical question from the press on whether the President's actions came to late to avoid a mid term election Tsunami against his failed policies Gibbs said forcefully, 'ABSOLUTELY NOT. IT'S TAKEN ALMOST TWO YEARS, BUT I CAN SAY UNEQUIVOCALLY, THIS PRESIDENT HAS FINALLY TAKEN STEPS TO GET HIS SHIT TOGETHER, AND THE AMERICAN TAXPAYER WILL BE THE BENEFICIARY!"
According to Scientists who should know, a study is being undertaken to convert the thought process of all Harvard Graduates and Community Organizers into even more energy working on the premise that 'most of them folks have SHIT for brains!"
Coming to you home soon, more SHIT from the White House guaranteed to raise your temperature.
