London Borough Promotes Body Composting

Funny story written by Xavier

Thursday, 7 October 2010

image for London Borough Promotes Body Composting
Are graves a thing of the past?

A large London borough is to encourage residents to compost the dead bodies of relatives at home instead of sending them for burial or cremation.

The council cemetery is full and burning bodies creates large amounts of carbon dioxide which 'the Low Carbon Borough' is trying to reduce.

For just £27.41 the council will deliver a grey plastic body composting bin in the shape of a coffin. The idea is, that after a year or so the body will produce about 62.9 litres of best quality compost.

A council spokesperson told us, "This is the ideal low cost, low carbon emissions, solutions to getting rid of dead relatives. You can even shove your old vegetables and free newspapers in too."

The council originally supplied cat and dog shaped bins for the disposal of dead pets and told us that this was just a scaled up version.

The bin comes with full instructions that tell you what you can and cannot put in the bin with the body. Cotton clothing and leather shoes are OK but nylons and plastic should be avoided, as should dentures. Replacement hip joints and pacemakers can be removed from the resulting compost and taken to a local recycling plant. People are advised, however, not to compost anyone who had died from a serious disease because the risk of infection.

Floribunda Jones, a leading horticultural expert, told us that the compost will be particularly good for geraniums and heathers.

The Rev. Hazel McVicar, from the local church, praised the idea saying it really was ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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