Monica Lewinsky Reveals She Used Clinton's "RED PHONE" For Sex

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Friday, 24 September 2010


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In a shocking new book scheduled for release in time for Christmas purchases, Monica Lewinsky describes how she used then President Clinton's secure "RED PHONE" for sexual chatter and clitoral stimulation. This phone, which is supposed to be enabled only for the President to authorize nuclear strikes, is carried in a briefcase by military aids assigned to the president on a 7/24 basis.

However, she relates, one night in the Oval Office, just after Monica had given Bubba an *airstart, the President lit up a cigar and looked her in the eye and told her that she could use the RED PHONE on herself "just for the audacious thrill of it."

As Henry Kissinger said, "Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac." Imagine using a phone that could unleash doomsday destruction on a target. Holy General Curtis LeMay! You talk about power!

Along with the infamous blue dress, the rest is history. You read it here first. Please don't reveal the happy ending.

* For those puzzled by the term,"airstart," allow me to explain the etymology. On Navy aircraft carriers during the Vietnam war, the jet pilots who drove the planes used this term. At that time our carriers used blasts of super-heated steam to accelerate the take-off of planes from the short carrier deck. The blast was called an "airstart." It became part of the Navy jargon and is still used instead of the colloquial "blowjob" when describing this sex act. Any other questions?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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