Written by Harold Q. Fuey

Friday, 10 September 2010

image for SuBo unable to perform on America's Got Talent - truth revealed!
Uttanonsenz!

SuBo fanatics and the popular press have been speculating on why Susan Boyle was unable to perform on America's Got Talent this week, with many unwilling to accept the official reason of contractual difficulties affecting her new song. However, the truth can now be revealed!

"I was walking to the stage when a bright beam of light appeared in front of me," said SuBo. "The next thing I knew I was teleported to the planet Uttanonsenz where I was to receive the Earthling Of The Year award," she continued.

It was reported earlier this year that SuBo had been abducted by aliens from the planet Uttanonsenz, where she appeared on 'Aliens Have Talent'.

"They liked my performance so much that they decided to give me an award!" grinned SuBo.

SuBo was to receive the award last week, but a fault with the teleporter delayed her appearance. "We only just got it fixed!" said a spokesman for ACME Teleporter Solutions.

Red scarf wearing fanatics aren't happy. "My wealthy husband paid out thousands of dollars in pocket change for me to come see her sing!" said some old dear with a red scarf. "He told me not to hurry back, because he needs to spend the weekend in Hawaii going through some accounts with his secretary, so I'm going to spend some more of this money!" laughed the fanatic.

"I'm getting sick of these Uttanonsenz people thinking they own Susan. Only we're allowed to do that!" said another fanatic.

SuBo has since been teleported back to Blackburn, but due to a software problem ended up in Blackburn, Lancashire. "I didn't know there was another Blackburn, but then I thought everyone lived in London before Susan came along!" said some typical American fanatic.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Susan Boyle




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