A very embarrassed and disturbed Susan Boyle denies that the photograph in the new 2011 Farmer's Almanac are her butt refuses to explain.
"Oh I hope the pope don't hear of this", she told our reporters. "He'll ban me with those sicko priests."
When contacted, The Farmer's Almanac replied that they merely published the big rear-ended photographs as an example of big time farmers shutting out the smaller ones, using a rear shot of Amy Winehouse as the small farmer.
"People don't realize that a lot of American's biggest farmers don't farm at all but just buy up the land and get into the pay for NOT growing anything, so prices will go up a bit, stated representative Ima Borne Hogg. "We thought the face looked like Ms. Boyle. We didn't have the slightest clue that it was really her."
So the Winehouse one isn't her, either?
"Yes, she brought one in herself. Free publicity, I guess."
Back to Susan Boyle's backside, she was in tears.
"OK! OK! That looks like my cousin who died about ten years ago. We had lost touch and then I heard she had assed...passed away. She and I always looked like sisters. Of course, it may be someone that looks like me. Well, maybe not. I believe that is Phyllis. It was the one she told me they took of her for Fat Tuesday, a modeling job."
So either Susan posed for a boyfriend about ten to 15 years and pounds ago or her Siamese Cousin was not a recluse like Susan, before her stardom.
Update: The Pope has sent word to Ms. Boyle not to worry about it. "They have me in political cartoons and ads all the time. Just means that she's famous. I mean, a tail that size has to be a fake."