ANAHEIM, California - Queen Elizabeth, 84, but who really doesn't look a day over 82, visited the world famous Disneyland Amusement Park with her English Royal Entourage of 129 people.
Earlier in the day her Majesty had addressed the United Nations in New York City. She had last visited the UN back in 1960, fifty years ago.
As she stood at the podium before the UN representatives she chuckled, "Well I see some of you have now grown beards, mustaches, and goatees. And some of the males look quite different as well.
Well as you can all clearly see, as for meself, I am basically still the same smashingly sprite, nubile, effervescent lady I have always been I am."
She winked at one of the pages and jokingly asked if he came here often.
While at Disneyland, the queen rode three of the rides including Pirates of The Caribbean, in which she willingly walked the plank and started to jump into the water but remembered that she was wearing one of her very expensive hats.
She then rode Buzz Lightyear's Laser Blast in Discovery Land, where she was introduced to Ann Coulter, Meryl Streep, and Justin Bieber.
The last ride the queen rode on was the brand new Lower Loins Tickler Roller Coaster in Happy Happy Land.
After getting off of this roller coaster, that hits speeds of up to 105 miles per hour, the queen could be seen breathing heavy, looking rather pinkish, and smiling like the California cat that ate the Colorado canary.
As she was helped out of the ride, Queen Elizabeth could be seen feeling somewhat dizzy. One of the park attendants went over and gave her a bottle of water.
Another park employee gave her a wet washcloth. And then the Donald Duck character waddled over to where she was standing, quacked a couple of times, and proceeded to goose her.
Instantly three of the queen's security guards knocked Donald to the ground where two of them held him down while the third one pummeled Donnie about the beak.
Witnesses said that it was not a pretty sight as there were feathers all over the place. The duck could be heard screaming, "Hey, leave me alone you punk bastards. I just goosed the old gal, I didn't breed with her."
Donald Duck was stood up on his web feet, handcuffed, and led away to a waiting Anaheim Police Department squad car.
Reportedly the queen has said that she wants the subject incarcerated and taught a lesson by being totally plucked of every effen feather found on his little bastard body.
In a related story. Queen Elizabeth received her 1,400th hat. It was a gift from Vice-President and Mrs. Joe Biden. The Obama's presented her with a genuine neutered Wyoming baby buffalo.