New York - (9/11 Mess): With temperatures nudging a sweltering 100F the heat is really on George W Bush's puppet monarch aunty who brazens it out with a Ground Zero wreath laying today.
The itinerary also includes a vanity visit to the United Nations which famously banned all of Hitler and Stalin's relatives from ever holding any form of public office.
This means Adolf's blue eyed little hellraiser is in breach of more Security Council resolutions than Pol Pot, Robert Mugabe and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad put together.
This weekend Canadian press sources reported HM's recent visit was only made possible by a maintenance dose of the blood thinner medication lasix.
Normally used on racewhorses the drug is also suitable for diehard old Nazi scoungers whose uncle just happened to be Soviet butcher Joseph Stalin.
Old Fatty Mountbatten returns to the UK tonight on an aircraft of the Queen's Fright.
Flunkeys have been ordered to make sure she dons her Deep Vein Thrombosis-busting knickers for the journey home amid fears she could drop dead before the Heathrow touchdown.
Phil the Greek lost $500,000 in a Winnipeg casino on Saturday night and is shitting bricks over his unpaid Amex bill.
