In an attempt to replenish rapidly dwindling funds, Susan Boyle fanatics today launched their own bank. The Fanatical Bank of Susan (FBoS) will initially have branches in California, Chile, and England. First time depositors are being offered free gifts of red scarves, blessings, and 'special access' passes with a $25 value.
"Depositors should not expect to receive any interest," confirmed bank chief Mr. K. Lulass. "Just knowing that your money is helping such a good cause should be good enough," he continued while getting into his new Rolls-Royce.
A new innovation of the bank is the ABM (Automated Blessing Machine). Unlike traditional bank ATMs, this machine dispenses blessings rather than cash. "It's just like a normal ATM," smiled bank CEO Bob Fanatic. "You put your credit card into the machine, type in your PIN number, and we send you blessings right there on the spot!" When asked how much the machine would charge, he said "It depends on who you are. Anything from $10 up to $1600, depending on how wealthy your husband is."
Customers have complained about trying to get their money out. "I asked to withdraw some money earlier, but they told me their vault had been invaded by the devil. Apparently, they can't give me my money now because it has been tainted," grumbled a customer.
The bank hopes to attract around 60,000 customers, although only 1163 have actually opened an account.
