The horrendous morning squealing and screaming of out of tune Imans and Muezzins driving Turks insane in Istanbul whilst hoping to lure punters into the local mosques is over.
The Turkish parliament and its religious leaders have decided to stop this abominable tradition by giving them singing lessons and the one and only Susan Boyle has been contracted to do it.
Sue Boyle is the perfect solution for the Turks, she is ugly, covers up voluntarily, never shows a bit of leg, no sane male Turk would ever fancy her and she sings like a nightingale.
Sue is quite surprised at the lack of singing talent amongst the Imans and Muezzins and has vowed to at least get one or two of them singing in tune before Ramadan.
As for the Imans and Muezzins, they think it's a grand idea; instead of scaring the punters away with their out of tune squealing they can now sing the praises of Allah in tune thanks to that ugly old Biddie, Boyle!
If Sue is successful in Istanbul she has been promised a further "Gig" in Mekka depending on her willingness to don a Burka and keep her face hidden from the millions of Islamic pilgrims just in case they think that a Satanic Demon has arrived on the planet which could cause a stampede!
