Written by Lady Godiva

Thursday, 13 May 2010

image for Susan Boyle on 'home renovations' - to be carried out by Mike Holmes and Bob the Builder
Susan Boyle's colour scheme for her 'new' house NOT to include RED

Susan Boyle is having her new home renovated. Mike Holmes has joined forces with Bob the Builder, to carry out this project, which is to be televised as a new 'joint' series, starting in July.

Susan agreed to 'go along' with this idea and is reported as having said,

"Och, the two wee laddies are so cute. Little Bob there is so adorable with his wee pals. When A first met him he shouted to his wee pals 'Can we fix it?' meaning ma wee hoose of course - well (giggles) not so wee as ma real home ye ken?

All his wee friends shouted 'Yes we can!'. Mike Holmes and his crew shouted 'Yes we can!' as well.

It was all fair touchin' as ye can imagine.

A am looking forad te ma 'big' hoose being finished so as A can live in it wi' wee Pebbles, bless her.

Am having extra security o' course. Well, ye would wouldna ye, after all A have gone throo o'er the past months. Bloody raving loonies trying te ge' inta ma hoose and some idjets wi' red scarves, turning up every-bloody-where A go.

Aye! An' they've no slowed down a wee bit either. The numbskulls are still oot there wa'ing to poonce. A am fair nervous. Ye just never know when one'll poonce. There's no warnin' whatsoever.

A do think ma 'team' should be doin a wee bi' more to ge' rid o' these loonies.

We are havin' a wee meetin' tomorra an' tha' will be top o' the list, as ye can imagine.

Sorry, A go' a wee bi' off the topic there (as they say on fansites...giggle!) but A am sure Mike an' Bob will do me proud.

A have such faith in the pair o' them. A have laid down some ground rules o' course. NOTHING RED!.

If they're gonna be doin' the gardens too....A want ALL PURPLE FLOWERS. That's ma favourite colour - even though Gerry said it was summit else when he was asked about me in an interview ages ago. What the hell does he know aboot me? Never took much notice o' me growing up.....now he's all over ma life like a rash.

Och! Sorry....A am fair whinging now. A am so tired. I'll turn in and will be happy to talk to ye tommora."

More about this story as it 'comes in'.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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