"Sex Is a Right" - Proposed US Legislation

Funny story written by Zabdgrov667

Sunday, 21 March 2010


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Something precious and beautiful, nearly ruined by government bureaucracy.

WASHINGTON, DC - "Whereas sex is fundamental to the maintenance of the national citizenry of these United States of America, this bill hereby establishes Federal measures to ensure the right of sex to every citizen and resident of the territory governed under US Code of Law, without discrimination to race, gender, religious preference, age, special conditions of a physical, genetic, or pathological nature, except where prohibited by Federal mandate or Amendment, as proscribed under sections III, IV, V, and VII of this bill."

The legislative procedure of the United States is being examined with an intensity never before witnessed in American history. Democrats have caused great anxiety and public discord by pushing a Health Care Bill with fury, extreme procedural measures, and little regard for traditional processes of law-making under the Constitution.

We asked Dr. Douglas Elmendorf, Director of the Congressional Budget Office (CBO) if any prior Congressional bill had such difficult and controversial scoring as the Obama Healthcare Bill.

Director Elmendorf, CBO: No. Once the word "super-majority" hit the ears of these politicians, they went stark-raving-mad like a bunch of howler monkeys on a non-stop crystal-meth binge.

Director Elmendorf, CBO: About two weeks after Obama was sworn in, I got a draft of legislation to recognize and protect sex as a "right."

According to Elmendorf, he "scored" bill in a one-page response saying "PISS-OFF!!! NEVER SEND THIS CRAP TO MY OFFICE AGAIN!"

The general consensus of people who have seen government incompetence first-hand is that such a bill would have resulted in a Zero-Birth rate lasting several years. In addition, restoring American sexual and reproductive activity to previous natural levels could have required two or more decades.

Thank you, Dr. Douglas Elmendorf, we salute you for saving the erotic gratification of a hundred million Americans.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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