Rush Limbaugh was rushed to a hospital in Honolulu over the weekend and was in a coma for two hours. On gaining consciousness Limbaugh said he had had a near death experience. Reportedly, he told doctors that he felt himself leave his body and float over the examining table. He stated that his naked body had glowing lights all over it that spelled out----Goodyear.
"I went down a dark tunnel," said Limbaugh. "There was a bright light at the end of it and as I grew near I heard a heavenly choir singing, it sounded like the strains of Dixie. Then I came to a large gate and it said Whites Only. I knew I was in the right place and then there he was-----God, sitting on a golden throne.
"'Come in Rush,' God said. Be not disturbed my Son, it is not your time yet. I just wanted to talk to you. Rush,you are doing good work, but you must Smite more than you have been doing. Smite----Smite------ and smite some more. You are doing good smite work on Obama, but there is much more smiting to do.
"For God's sake, and I mean this literally, smite that SOB Olbermann and the horse he rode in on. By the way, I think you know, Fox News is in a smite free zone, but never forget, smite and smear for heaven is near.
"Now Rush, I want you to go back and when you return, you will sit on my right hand, right alongside Charlton Heston. Go now, my son. Here is a life time prescription for OxyContin, and peace be with you."
Stunned into silence for the first time in his life, Limbaugh turned to go when God stopped him,
"Rush," said God.
"Yes, God?" said Limbaugh
"Rush, take off some weight. You're starting to look like the Goodyear Blimp."