DNC to Obama - XYZ PDQ

Funny story written by Andy Lam

Wednesday, 28 July 2004

image for DNC to Obama - XYZ PDQ
A fault in the slider body was the source of Mr. Obama's problem

Boston, MA - During the entirety of his moving speech at the Democratic National Convention, DNC staffers and advance people were trying to catch the attention of rising star Barak Obama. The Illinois State Senator, who is running for the US Senate this November, ignored their repeated attempts and delivered what is regarded as one of the high points to the Convention.

"We were trying to let him know that he was flying low," said one DNC staffer who asked not to be named. "It wasn't a big deal while he was behind the podium, but it could have become a problem if he stood too far back, or moved around on the stage."

When told of the nature of the issue at hand, Mr. Obama appeared both abashed and irritated. "You know, I wish we had agreed on some sort of code for that, I know that the pants I wore have an issue with the zipper, it falls down all the time. Usually, I have one of my aides detailed to keeping an eye on my appearance. If they see an issue, they know to fall to the floor and feign a seizure of something. Given the situation, that would have probably been inappropriate though."

Terry McAuliffe, the chairman of the DNC was beside himself watching what he feared would be a disaster unfold before his eyes. "I saw the issue before Barak went onto the stage," said McAuliffe, "but he was surrounded by people prepping him - too bad not one of them thought to give him a quick once over. It makes the entire party look silly."

Fashion faux pas are nothing new at political conventions however, and their occurrence has not impacted the outcome according to presidential historian Michael Beschloss. "This kind of thing has happened many times in the past. The earliest case that I am aware of was at the 1880 Republican Convention in Chicago. At that event, Treasury Secretary, John Sherman, who was seen as a potential nominee, wore a jacket that had a large stain on the left shoulder. It may not seem like much today, but at the time, it was the talk of the town."

During the 1984 Republican Convention in Dallas, President Reagan nearly walked on stage to make his acceptance speech with a three-foot piece of toilet paper stuck to his left shoe. "That could have had a consequence," said Mr. Beschloss, "but a sharp-eyed Secret Service agent spotted it in time."

Mr. Obama seems to have taken his brush with embarrassment well. "He's a good man," said an aide, "and a little ‘wardrobe malfunction' like this is not going to stop his momentum or the momentum of the Democratic Party."

"Keeping the pants zipped seems to be a big problem for these guys," said Ed Gillespie, the chairman of the RNC, unable to resist the opportunity to use Mr. Obama's misfortune to attack the Democrats.

To mark the event, Mr. Obama's staff have created special "Hey Obama, XYZ PDQ" t-shirts, sure to become one of this convention's hottest collectables.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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