Who Knew?

Funny story written by Rebut

Friday, 9 July 2004

The United States Senate Intelligence Committee slammed the CIA for it's pre-war estimates on Iraq's weapons of mass destruction.

Committee chairman Pat Roberts confirmed that "today we know that these assessments were wrong".

This has been the signal for every politician and his dog, who voted for going to war, to slap his forehead and exclaim : "If we had only known the truth, we would never have voted in favour of war".

It seems that while the CIA and British Intelligence were creating all this misinformation the rest of the politicians in America and Great Britain were busy elsewhere.

Secretary of Defense, for example, when presented with an analysis on Iraq's military capability and weapons of mass destruction was busy elsewhere looking into the known knowns, unknown knowns and unknown unknowns of artificial insemination.

The British equivalent thought that the mushrooms for his lunch, which had been wrapped in his copy by mistake, were proof positive that there were an awful lot of mines out there. Hoon knew?

When Hans Blix, previously a weapons inspector (now permanently on the board of Sanctimonius Pricks R Us) came back and said : "If they're there I'm fucked if I saw them", how easy was it to confuse that with : "It's crawling with weapons of mass destruction."

The Pentagon had unfortunately gone in for a service so they were unable to confirm any of the reports. The DIA in particular with a staff in excess of the CIA was away skiing in Aspin.

Elint and humint the world over failed so the CIA and British Intelligence just made it all up. They figured that as they weren't doing anything that week why not bring the world to the brink?

What all of this is designed to tell us is that not one politician in Britain and America knew the truth about the weapons of mass destruction.

Nobody knew...well when I say nobody, I mean of course nobody other than Mr James Proctor from Iowa, who was entrusted with the 'secret'. He has been instructed to get hold of Oliver North and brush down his old typewriter.

Believe it, or believe it not. But if your name is, oh off the top of my head... George Tenet, and you want to do an expose, just remember the story of Dr Kelly. He wanted to explain the truth to the British public. One sunny day while out for a walk he accidently stabbed himself 50 times while trying to shave with a bread knife.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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