The editors of "fake news" website TheSpoof.com declared a "no tolerance" policy today on gimmicky news stories that use the obvious "pussy" in place of "cat". The announcement comes just hours after a new research study was published by the Spoof Tentative Readers Anonymous Watchgroup (STRAW) that measures new reader demographics and suggests ways to enhance the impact a first-impression will make on a potential lifelong subscriber.
Of particular concern in the STRAW poll results were the many references to a feeling of being insulted by writers who neglect the fact that such an obvious gimmick has neither journalistic integrity nor comedic value. As one respondent put it: "It's a formula, and sometimes they don't even get THAT right. You take the name of some famous young woman, add a cat, sometimes there's some dialogue, and the story practically writes itself. And, like, I'm supposed to swoon?" Another respondent added, "You can usually tell it's going to be 'that type' of story right away when there is at least one misspelled word or instance of grammar neglect in the first line." Ouch, isn't that too harsh? Another respondent: "I've seen so many of these abominations that I've subconsciously synchronized clicking my browser's back button with rolling my eyes! I got fired yesterday for losing an inventory spreadsheet when my boss asked the new receptionist if she liked fishsticks... Thanks a lot, you pussy writers!"
The STRAW poll authors are delighted to see Thespoof.com taking action. "If there's supposed to be a balance here, the scales are heavily tipped in the favor of just plain awfulness", said one STRAW poll official, speaking on condition of anonymity.
In response to the controversy, a new alliance has formed among the writers who published stories where the word "pussy" has been cast in the role of common household kitten. "Our message is clear," insists the chairman of Pussy On Spoof Entertains Readers (POSER). "So what if new readers are tired of seeing the same old gag? If we are able to reach just one reader who has never seen the word "pussy" used to refer to a cat, then our cause was well worth it. And it will be totally funny."
As of this story's printing, POSER has yet to locate their single untouched reader. They have also requested a STRAW poll recount.
