Female Pro Golfer Tests Positive For Steroids

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 21 July 2009

image for Female Pro Golfer Tests Positive For Steroids
The six balls that Taneesha Flo "Buttercup" Winthrop used in her professional six hole-in-ones.

Oklahoma City - The United States Pro Golfing Guild has just suspended rookie sensation Taneesha Flo "Buttercup" Winthrop for testing positive on a drug test.

The 24-year-old Winthrop who hails from Birmingham, Alabama has already had six hole-in-ones in her one year professional career.

Tanelicious, as her ex-boyfriend Boodell "Glocky" Luxbox called her tested positive for Sircalamusti, which is reportedly the steroid of choice among some Japanese baseball players.

Sircal (for short) is considered to be one of the strongest steroids on the illegal market. It is currently ranked between Super Muskchinger X-7 and Turkish TitaniSkankvu.

One of the leading experts on Sirc (for shorter) Dr. Brockett Bierbauer stated in an article entitled Four Balls and You Walk in the monthly baseball publication Bats & Balls & Puppy Dog Tails that if Barry Bonds had taken Sir (for even shorter) that he would have actually been twice as big as he is now.

The commissioner of The United States Pro Golfing Guild Lambros Oppenheimer said that he first began to become suspicious when he saw a photo of Ms. Wintrop in a bikini swimsuit.

He said that he had to do a double take because when he saw her, she looked like she could be Mark McGwire's twin, except for the fact that Mark is white.

The commissioner said that "Buttercup" had biceps that were even bigger than Sammy Sosa's. When he asked her how she had gotten so big, she replied, "Home cookin'."

She said that her grandmother, Buffatina Winthrop makes the best ham hock casserole this side of the Atchafalaya River. And she added that granny always adds two sticks of Land O'Lakes Butter to everything that she cooks, even fried cucumber soup.

Taneesha Flo says that she will use her eight month suspension to get her GED (General Educational Development) Certificate, which shows that she has attained a high-school level of academic skills.

SIDENOTE: Taneesha Flo has been approached by ex-wrestler Stacy Keibler who wants her to go into wrestling. Keibler has said that she will sign her to a wrestling contract and that Taneesha Flo will wrestle under the name "Princess Buttercup Putter."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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