Gov. Sarah Palin To Resign Says She Needs More Time To Hunt

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 4 July 2009

image for Gov. Sarah Palin To Resign Says She Needs More Time To Hunt
Governor Sarah Palin shown in her front yard trying to find her SUV.

WASILLA, Alaska - In an unbelievable move that surprised even her own husband, Governor Sarah Palin has announced that she will be resigning her Alaskan governorship effective July 26.

Many political pundits believe that Gov. Palin is positioning herself for the 2012 GOP presidential nomination.

Palin was asked if that was indeed the case and she replied that although she is seriously considering the 2012 presidential race that was not the reason she is resigning.

Saracuda, as she was called in high school, said that ever since she has been in office she has not had as much time to devote to the love of her life as she would like.

She is quick to point out that although husband Todd is way up there on her list, she says that she has to be true to her heart and state that she misses the hell out of moose hunting, elk hunting, caribou hunting, reindeer hunting and about 17 other huntings.

"Shotgun" Sarah said that she knows that she has a tremendous hunting addiction and that the state of Alaska has even offered to pay for her to attend H.A. (Hunter's Anonymous) meetings.

The governor says that although she appreciates the gesture, she has no desire to attend H.A. meetings because she does not have a hunting problem. She then casually adds that what she has is a love for the sport of hunting.

"Snowflake" Sarah says that with her hunting is not a hobby, with her hunting is a a way of life. She uses hunting to feed her family, to clothe her family, and to provide her family with the ways and means to achieve an education that they might not otherwise have.

Palin said that three years ago, she single-handedly shot enough moose and caribou to feed half of the population of Alaska.

The wilderness woman who many refer to as "Snow Plow" Palin added that all of son Trig's and grandson Tripp's baby clothes, baby shoes, and baby bottles were bought with money that she received from selling reindeer pelts, moose lips, and caribou gizzards.

The "Polar Princess" has confided to Katie Couric, Oprah Winfrey, and Wolf Blitzer that she would rather make tracks in the snow than love in her bed. She is quick to add that Todd does not mind since half the time he is out gallivanting somewhere racing his snowmobile.

"Snowsled" Sarah has said that once she resigns she will be able to realize her lifelong dream. She smiles as she takes a sip of her Diet Dr. Pepper. Her librarian eyes get kind of misty and she says, "Ya know growing up poor as I did, my family had to rely on making do.

From the time I was two months old until I was nine our diet consisted mostly of snow products. I know that I must have eaten literally thousands of ice sandwiches and snow biscuits growing up."

She composes herself and then says, "Ya know, lots of poor folks eat rice and beans. My family was really poor we ate ice and beans.

We used paper bags for underwear. And my dad could not afford to buy us kids a pet dog. Instead one day he went out fishing and caught a salmon. He brought it home and we named it Sally, even though my dad said it was a boy.

I downright hated that pet, it couldn't fetch, sit up, or even bark. It did manage to lick the daylights out of its fins though."

Sarah pauses for a moment and then adds, "But as I grew older hunting gave me the ability to realize my hopes and dreams. I am proud to say that I am a woman, who enjoys the hell out of acting like a man and being able to hunt, stalk, shoot, skin, and cook every type of animal that is indigenous to my beloved Alaska."

[EDITOR'S NOTE: When Sarah Palin resigns she says that she will go into business for herself. She will run the Ex-Governor Sarah Palin Helicopter Hunting Excursion Company.]

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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