Mission Accomplished in Alaska, Declares Palin

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Friday, 3 July 2009

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LAND OF THE MIDNIGHT SUN, USA - Maverick Alaska Governor Sarah Palin called in sick at the beginning of a three-day holiday weekend Friday, indicating that "serving Alaska's people is the greatest honor I could imagine," and accordingly resigned, effective a year and a half before the completion of her term.

She will transfer power to Lt. Governor Sean Parnell over BBQ'ed moose burgers, ptarmigan egg salad and "Alaskan Suntans" at an as yet undesignated picnic table on July 26, she said.

Friends close to Palin say "she thinks she has accomplished goals she set forward."

The dense governor of the nation's least densely populated state noted as she stepped down that "to embrace the conventional lame duck status in this particular climate would be just another dose of politics as usual, something I campaigned against and will always oppose."

Some suggest perhaps the rookie politician is merely unable to "stay the course" in a rapidly changing political climate driven by oil prices, not to mention a rapidly changing Alaska climate driven by oil consumption.

Many critics questioned the bizarre move, including leading Alaska Republican strategist Charles "Sockeye" Salmone, who noted that his state is not unique in holding elections that leave politicians in the position of holding office though their replacement is inevitable, due to both term limits and free elections.

In fact, he says, even the President of the United States eventually finds himself shackled with this so-called "lame duck" status at some point during his (or her) administration, though Salmone believes Palin's aspirations to this office may be part of her reason for inexplicably "changing horses in midstream."

Others say "conflicts" with her political career have arisen because she has been too busy working on her book, The Pageantry of American Politics, having completed nearly a dozen sentences.

At any rate, it appears the only lame duck in ex-Governor Palin's neck of the woods will be the one she shot for dinner.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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