Bernie Madoff Vanishes

Funny story written by K.C. Bell

Thursday, 2 July 2009

image for Bernie Madoff Vanishes
Ready for an early retirement?

Like George Clooney's temporary disappearance in the film Michael Clayton, Bernie Madoff seems to have also disappeared, (maybe permanently) following a fender bender while being transported to his upstate prison in New York. The driver of the Brinks truck and three security guards miraculously escaped injury; each planning for an early retirement.

Only Mr. Madoff's dentures, wristwatch, and hat remained intact following the explosion. The three items were used to make a positive identification. Case closed by investigators. Investigators are also planning for an early retirement.

The older gentleman seen fleeing the scene in a black stretch limousine, (without dentures, wristwatch or hat) was identified as a greeter employed at Walmart.

The Brink's truck was headed for a penitentiary that can be described as a Business Class joint. There are three classes of prisons: the minimum security type penitentiary (call it the Economy Class) for people like Martha Stewart; the maximum security type penitentiary (call it First Class) for the Hannibal Lecter kind of killer; and in between is the Business Class penitentiary, which is appropriately named considering Mr. Madoff's line of work.

Michael Clayton disappeared temporarily in the film of the same name after throwing his wristwatch into the flames of his car and running up a hill. Disappearance by explosion has a solid place in film history. Characters often disappear. John Travolta also was suppose to permanently disappear following a helicopter crash in the film Swordfish. However, Travolta materialized near the final scene living on a yacht off the French Riviera with partner Hallie Berry.

If this sort of plot could be hatched at a film studio in la-la land, why not use the same plot for Bernie Madoff? The guy got away with $65 billion bucks. He could turn up as Santa Claus living in the North Pole with new dentures, wristwatch and hat.

No Tilda Swinton character, (who received an Academy Award for Michael Clayton) but Mrs. Madoff might turn out to be the Hallie Berry character of Swordfish, ready to withdraw a chunk of change from an offshore account and live happily ever after.


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The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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