Madison Avenue, New York - Once rabbits were used to determine if a "woman" was pregnant, giving up their lives in the process, but those days were as barbaric and outmoded as parental supervision is today. All thanks to a US court ruling that has ordered the FDA to clear away for not only pharmacies to sell Plan B (the so-called morning after pill) abortion pill over the counter to 17-year-old girls but for grain corporations to market the 'morning-after pill' to your kids in their morning breakfast cereal too.
"We've considered many delivery systems to get Plan B on the market as quickly and efficiently as possible," said a spokesman for the pharmaceutical industry. "And testing from our focus groups showed over the counter was too slow."
That focus group found instead morning breakfast cereal to be the best delivery vehicle.
"Just imagine," said a spokesman for the breakfast cereal industry. "You don't ever have to worry about having 'THE TALK' with your daughter or ever feel guilty if you never did. Because now with a bowl of 'Plan B Morning-After Cereal for Kids', apart of a balanced breakfast, it just won't matter anymore."
"We're not just doing this for the bottom line," continued the cereal industry spokesman. "We're doing it for the children. To preserve both their privacy and innocence."
Conscience that despite the court ruling, they are still responsible for giving children potent pharmaceuticals, makers of Plan B cereal has decided to do what they can to preserve your child's innocence by shaping the Morning-After Pills into miniature multicultural rainbow colored bunny rabbits representing various ethnicities.
"All with little crosses over their eyes not only to denote their death, a not so subtle reference to then rabbits were used to determine pregnancy, but to mock Judeo-Christian values as well," continued a spokesman for the cereal industry. "In fact, if you look real close, you'll see a microscopic personal Jesus crucified on each of the tiny little crosses where the bunny rabbits eyes were."
"So that way parents not only purge their daughter's pregnancy with a single serving of our cereal, lightly buttered piece of toast with jam and glass of OJ, but they will be able to subliminally purge from her mind and heart of those old fashion religious family values as well," promised the spokesman from the pharmaceutical industry.
"Just another fine example of Godless corporate communism working in the name of the new god of commerce for your conformity," said one distraught pastor.
The makers of the Plan B Morning-After Pill and the breakfast cereal insist, however, say that its use of rabbits was completely a coincidence and not a double metaphor: a play on both of a popular breakfast cereal based on a similar character and the death of fertility.
"And in no way a subtle reference to Easter, the symbol of the Resurrection," said the spokesman for the breakfast cereal industry. "Which would be best symbolized ironically by the 'Eveready Energizer Bunny Rabbit' of all things. Now all but the completely religiously illiterate, pop culturally bankrupted or the humor impaired would fail to appreciate that. Regardless of their opinion on the issue, don't you think?"