Washington, D.C.-American motorists awoke this morning to a new reality. Overnight, barricades have begun appearing on highways and byways across the nation, eliminating all right, Far right and even right hand shoulder lanes. The Department of Transportation under an executive order by president Obama implemented the change under cover of darkness to minimize criticism.
Under the new rules only left, far left and far left shoulder lanes will remain. Exceptions will be made for a middle lane in regions where those who use the lane have leftist leanings. U.S.
Secretary of Transportation Ray LaHood sent out a news release detailing the reasons for the changes: "It is common knowledge that people who drive in the right hand lane are older, slower, and also more conservative than those who drive in the left lane. By eliminating the right lane we hope to eliminate these three problems completely."
The statement drew immediate and angry reactions from two of the three groups targeted under the new law. Then, about three hours later protests started trickling in from slow people. The transportation department issued an apology soon afterwards, saying that the use of the term "eliminate" was an unfortunate choice in reference to old, and slow people."
It also issued this clarification:
"Although left lanes have been barricaded in some areas, the department is only doing so in order to bring those lanes up to department standards for the expected increase in traffic.
"Those lanes will be open for traffic in a few weeks. Permanent barriers are expected to be in place by the end of the construction season this year, or shortly before spring elections in 2010.
"Funding for these projects will be provided for under the recently passed stimulus bill, enabling the department to provide jobs for thousands of laid-off construction workers."