Handicapped Man Sues For Wrongful D.U.I. Arrest

Funny story written by Jalapenoman

Thursday, 4 December 2008

image for Handicapped Man Sues For Wrongful D.U.I. Arrest
They always get their man

A handicapped man has sued the Rogers, Arkansas police department for wrongful arrest on charges of D.U.I. (driving under the influence). Matt Stoves of Rogers says that the charges are bogus and that the "embarrassment is gonna cost these boys some money."

A copy of the police report reads that "the suspect was pulled over due to suspicious driving behaviour. When the man was asked to step from his car, he at first refused and had to physically assisted (at his request) to gain a standing position. He was also unable to put one foot in front of the other or walk in a straight line. He was only able to lean against the car for balance and hop around a little bit. When asked to count backwards from 10, the man got beligerant and shouted out an string of unintelligible numbers. When taken and booked into the lockup, the suspect only provided one shoelace."

"Of course I was only able to lean against the car and hop around," exclaimed Stoves. "I've only got one leg!"

"My coworkers helped me get into my car after work and put my crutches in the trunk. When I get home, my wife comes out and gets the crutches and helps me to the house."

"When the cop asked me to get out of the car, I told him I couldn't as my crutches were in the trunk. He refused to get them for me. He still wanted me to step out of the car, so I had him help me get out."

"Then, the idiot wanted me to walk in a straight line by putting one foot in front of the other. I only have one foot! I had to lean up against the car for balance."

"Another cop showed up, sized up the situation, and asked me to count backwards from ten to prove that I was sober. I did it in Spanish, French, Latin, Japanese, and German and then did it by twos, threes, and fractions. These idiots didn't understand a word I said."

"The idiots took me to the detention center, gave me a strip search, and wanted my shoelaces in case I tried to strangle myself. The got mad that I could only give them one lace, since I've only got one shoe!"

Stoves has attained an attorney and hopes to sue as soon as he gets his car back. It was towed for parking in a handicapped space.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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