Oscar Pistorius Branded Health & Safety Risk By IAAF Knob

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 17 July 2008

image for Oscar Pistorius Branded Health & Safety Risk By IAAF Knob
Ahletes frantically try to find a baton

Oscar Pistorius, the double-amputee South African athlete should not be allowed to run in the 4X400m Olympic Relay in Beijing, as he is a Health & Safety risk, and could scythe the legs off other runners, says a leading official.

Bob Flemming of the IAAF said:

"The relay is a scrum. There is a lot of physical contact, and if Pistorius were to touch one of the other runners with his 'helicopter blades'...well, I don't need to get all Texas Chainsaw Massacre, now do I?"

Pistorius, who is known as the Sweeney Todd of Athletics, and the Blade Runner, runs with the aid of special Cheetah Flex-Foot carbon fibre transtibial artificial limbs. Although hideous-looking, they are infinitely more palatable than his stubs.

Dr Jakob Westfallen of Ossur, who make the specialised prosthetic limbs, said:

"It's true, the blades are a bit sharp."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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