WASHINGTON D.C. President Bush used his Saturday morning radio address to announce his declaration of U.S. Senator and Democratic Presidential Candidate Barack Obama as an Enemy Combatant.
The President began, "My fellow Americans, yesterday morning, using the powers I granted me by passing the Military Commissions Act, I have made our great country safe again -- I mean, it was kinda safe before, but now it's even more safer, ya know?
"Late last week some really smart people presented me with intelligence linking Senator Obama to both terrorism and Al Quada, if this intelligence proves to true, his becoming President would represent a clear and present danger to The War on Terror, and as your decider, I decided to take immediate steps to continue to protect our freedom to wage that war.
"Before taking these measures, I consulted with the Senate, and I can assure you that both John McCain and Hillary Rodham Clinton are in full agreement with the necessity of these actions, which I have code-named 'Operation Obameration' heh."
Unaware that he was on radio but not T.V. the President projected Power Point Slides to summarize the intelligence, a cover from a July issue of New Yorker magazine, as well as to explain the details of the multi-phased operation.
As Senator Obama's plane was returning to the U.S. from Hawaii where he had been visiting his ill Grandmother it was intercepted by a squadron of F-16 Falcons from the Fresno CA based 144th Fighter Wing, and subsequently diverted to Guantanamo Bay Cuba, where Senator Obama and is staff are currently being detained.
The President continued, "With the immediate threat of these Enemy Combatants returning to American soil contained, Phase One of Operation Obameration continued by gaining more intelligence about their links to Al Queda. As an American and a Christian, I'm proud to tell you that our enhanced interrogation techniques were successful, and we learned from Senator Obama's Grandmother that his middle name is, in fact, Hussein. With this key link to terrorism established, we began Phase Two of Operation Obameration, which I like to call, Let's go find us some WMDs!"
In the second phase of the operation, "Special Task Units" from the Department of Homeland Security were joined by agents from the FBI, CIA, DEA, BATF, ONDCP, The Plano Texas PTA, and the entire congregation of Westboro Baptist Church. The Operation began with early morning raids on Obama Campaign offices in 49 states. (According to Governor Sarah Palin, the campaign's Alaska offices had already closed.)
The President continued, "With this new key evidence in hand, and as a result of The PATRIOT Act, the Justice Department was able to quickly react by issuing search warrants, and Federal Law Enforcement Agencies were able to cooperate with faith based organizations to ensure the safety of the American people. Man, I just love the PATRIOT Act, don't you?"
The President refused to answer questions, but promised to provide information on results of the raids Tuesday, "If I feel like tellin y'all."