DEM Congressman Sets New Benchmark for "Preservation of Family Values": $120,000 To Former Mistress!

Funny story written by Morse

Thursday, 16 October 2008

image for DEM Congressman Sets New Benchmark for "Preservation of Family Values": $120,000 To Former Mistress!
Heart rates are Up Among Cheating DEMS After Mahoney Sets New Benchmark for Buying out his Mistress's Contract!

Palm Beach, FL,/ Palm Beach Post - In an action taken by incumbent Democrat Representative Tim Mahoney, sure to chill the bones of other Democratic "Players", the price for "Sweetheart" payoffs just rose to $120,000, plus additional perks of an assured $50k "job" for 2 years on his political payroll "working on my staff".

Mahoney, who whisked into office toting "family Values" and higher morality, after Republican Mark Foley resigned after E-mailing lurid notes to male Congressional pages, appears to have been hoisted on his own petard, though it is probably flying at "half mast" as we speak.

The married Congressman, representing staid and wealthy Palm Beach, Fl voters, saw his benign image shaken when his current mistress opted out after finding out she wasn't "the only one." Apparently the 52 year old repressed, sexually addicted Democratic, had at least one , and possibly 2 more gals standing by for a role call in the sack.

Unfortunately for Mahoney, a threatening conversation with "Lover #1", as she is identified in FBI files, was recorded by the aggrieved party, where Mahoney told her if she wanted to continue to get a paycheck she'd better "play along".

Shock waves of the settlement have vibrated up and down the sexually active Democratic chain of "movers and shakers", from Jesse Jackson to Eliot Spitzer and Barney Frank.

An observer of Washington sexual practices said " no matter which way you swing, the price of dipping your dong just went up!"

Meanwhile, investigators are looking into Mahoney's $2.5M reelection campaign funds to see if the payoff came from taxpayers.

In another eye opening event, The Palm Beach Post ENDORSED the Congressman today for the upcoming election. As literary scribes have commented recently, "goes to prove even newspaper professionals don't read the papers anymore...even their own!"

Holding hands with his strained wife, Congressman Mahoney looked right into TV cameras and said very clearly, "I DID NOT PROMISE TO MARRY THOSE WOMEN! I AM NOT A BIGAMIST!"

Ohio Rep. John Murtha on hearing of the charges immediately said,"These charges are obviously racially motivated! Palm Beach Country is notoriously racist!"

A reporter from a local Pa. High School paper had to remind the Congressman that Mahoney was White.The editor of The Palm Beach Post still remained confused asking , "Are you sure?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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