(Cedar Rapids, Iowa) - With the water finally receding from a downtown area hit hard by flooding caused by a broken levee, most citizens of Cedar Rapids today expressed confidence that the Bush Administration would not ignore their plight the way the President's team ignored New Orleans.
One local businessman summed up his town's unflagging belief that federal help was on the way thusly: "Hey, we're white. And we know that George Bush loves white people."
With Iowa likely to be a key battleground state in the upcoming general election, President Bush, on a trim hunt in Paris, France, was briefed Saturday by his policy team on the devastation the flooding had caused and on the racial makeup of the Midwestern state. The President then immediately issued a statement.
"When whitey's in trouble, George W. Bush is going to act. This won't be the same as what happened in New Orleans, because what happened in New Orleans was retribution from God. This situation in Iowa is totally different: a levee just broke. I'm not certain what a levee is, but if one breaks and threatens caucasians, whose votes my party desperately needs in November, you can bet your butt I'll do something about it."
There had been concern on the part of some officials in Iowa that the state's support of Illinois Senator Barack Obama, a 'darkie,' during the state's caucuses back in January would have an adverse effect on the Bush Administration's level of aide during this emergency.
"Sure, that went through my mind," said Iowa State Rep. David Wark Griffith, "but I've been assured by people at FEMA that President Bush knew we were just trying to fuck with Hillary's head."
While there is no doubt that many people will be closely watching FEMA's response to this flood and comparing it to their work in New Orleans, some of the President's harshest critics say that faulting only George Bush for the anemic federal efforts in New Orleans lets way too many other people off way too easily.
Reached by phone for a statement, vocal Bush critic and musician Kanye West, who famously said, "George Bush hates black people," while a stunned Mike Myers looked on during a telethon for the victims of Hurricane Katrina, said he now believes there was more to the failure to help New Orleans than simply the President's prejudices.
"Personally, I blame that arrogant dick Mike Myers. Maybe if he hadn't looked so shocked when I spoke up during the telethon, things might have gone down differently."
When told of West's statement, Mike Myers, busy promoting his new lengthy sketch, The Love Guru, and speaking in a bizarre Indian accent, brushed off the rapper's comments succinctly.
"Kanye West hates white people, baby."