Written by Robert W. Armijo

Sunday, 11 May 2008

image for Rush Limbaugh mistakes Latino Mayor of Los Angeles for Giant Talking Taco; Mayor Villaraigosa mistakes Rush for "Fat Bastard"
L.A. mayor, Villaraigosa, goes into hiding after he brushes up against Rush

Los Angeles, California - A minor brouhaha broke out in a chance meeting between conservative talk radio show host, Rush Limbaugh and Antonio Villaraigosa, the first elected Mexican-American mayor of the City of Los Angeles since the territorial war of 1848 between the neighboring nations. Their brief encounter came in a terminal at the LAX International airport, which seemed cordial enough, until Rush refused to release the mayor's hand.

"Rush's eyes glazed over when he saw the mayor's tanned brown skin," said a spokesman for airport security. "Then drooling, he lunged at the mayor, screaming out, 'Come here you Mexican spicy treat. Get in my belly!' Just like Fat Bastard did in that Austin Powers movie."

"In all fairness Rush is trying a new diet," said a Ditto Head, accompanying Rush on the flight. "All he had to eat before he met the mayor was those airline peanuts. It's not his fault he mistook the mayor for a giant flame broiled soft talking taco."

While on the flight, Rush reportedly demanded that a female stewardess serve him peanuts, refusing to accept them from his assigned steward.

"I heard the commotion," said a passenger. "Rush said, 'Can't a White man get what he wants in his own country anymore? Is it too much to ask that a woman serve me peanuts? Or even one of those little Asian gals?"

Reportedly, Rush went on like that for hours without a single complaint from a passenger.

"We didn't even know he was aboard until after we all got off the plane," said another passenger. "We all thought we were listening to his radio show being piped in over the plane's public address system."

After Rush disembarked from the plane, passengers overheard him demanding a Black Porter carry his bags, and a Mexican boy to shine his shoes and sell him those little colorful, flavorful square bubblegum candies that still come in a cardboard box.

"That's when he saw Mayor Villaraigosa," said a member of the mayor's security detail. "I could tell there was going to be trouble by the way he was looking at my client, like a predator stalking his prey."

Mayor Villaraigosa momentarily paused as they passed each other in the terminal, reaching out his hand to formally introduce himself.

Rush just stared down at the mayor, giving him the once over from head to toe.

Later, after he was finally subdued by airport security, the mayor whisked away to a secure location, Rush was transported to a local hospital by ambulance, but not before he was promised a Jewish doctor would be treating him.

"Apparently, Rush's calorie deprived diet drove him to a delusional state of mind," said the attending physician, treating him for hyperglycemia. "That could account for the success of his show."

With an IV drip, a proper diet and some placebo sugar pills, which the doctor had to tell him were made from the ground up bones of children from some third world country to get him to take them, Rush stabilized.

Talking sense now, Rush apologized for his divisive statements, rabblerousing and war mongering, just before media moguls stormed into the hospital room threatening the doctor with a defamation of character lawsuit for suggesting that there was something mentally defective in what Rush was saying all these years.

"Rush never asked which third world country the children came from," commented a Ditto Head. "So that proves he's not a racist…just a nihilist."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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