Giuliani Suggests Pie Eating Contest to End Iraq War

Written by craig morris

Wednesday, 26 September 2007

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Giuliana to End Iraq War with Pies

In a bid thought to pander to the anti-war wings of both the Democratic and Republican parties, Rudy Giuliani today announced what he is calling "A messy but bloodless solution to the Iraq War". His plan is to invite all tribal leaders of the Shia, Sunni and Kurds to a massive pie eating contest to be held in the western Iraqi desert. Winners of the contest will be put in charge of the government and will be allowed to lord it over the losers. Giuliani believes that the losing factions will fall in line because, he says, "No one wants to be known as a sore loser".

Political pundits were quick to point out that this plan is similar to Rudy's famous "Hopscotch Initiative" that succeeded in removing squeegee men from the streets of New York City.

Democratic contender Hillary Clinton stated at a campaign fund-raiser that she has forgotten more about pies than Giuliani ever knew and that she baked a peach pie that was served to Mother Theresa shortly before her death. Clinton is of course well known for her tag line, "It takes a village to bake a pie". Clinton's objection were characterized by the Giuliani team as Hillary "trying to hog the whole pie". Sen. Clinton blushed when hearing this accusation and refused to comment further.

Top Generals at the Pentagon praised Giuliani's approach. Gen. Pangloss of the Army and Admiral Twitchit of the Navy released a rare joint-services statement saying that "Bombing the living crap out of Iraq seems to have failed but we believe the pie eating contest just might work."

Pentagon planners have issued a $300 million no-bid contract to Kellog, Brown and Root to study feasibility of the contest.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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