Binge Drinkers Like Beer - Research Says

Written by writingguy

Wednesday, 8 August 2007

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Binge drinkers like beer, and the world deserves to know.

In an amazing feat of researching genius, the CDC figured out this morning that adult binge drinkers like beer. Although the news may come as a shock to many, the CDC assures the public that the study is in fact true.

John Wilkerson, head of the CDC's research and development, came up with the study while enjoying a lager early last year.

"I was just sitting in my office downing a few when I came up with this sick idea, right? Screw all these studies about cancer and saving lives and sh*t, we need to party. So I'm like, how about a study about binge drinkers liking beer? So I gathered up 13,999 other binge drinkers and we went at it for 13 months. Sick eh?"

The study was originally planned for only a 9 month span, but participants were apparently having "enough fun for another 3".

According to the study, binge drinkers like beer more than anything, liver damage coming in only a close second.

After the raging success of the study, the CDC and John Wilkerson have released a variety of studies that are busting even the most solid social truths to tiny bits. A listing of 1200 babies showed that they were all born between the months of January and December. Most Americans have a negative opinion about the black plague. The shocks don't stop there. Gays, have a higher estrogen content than most other men!

The CDC plans to release more of these groundbreaking studies as soon as the earth stops quaking.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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