We'd have to listen to Country & Western music
He'd order cheap, watery American beer
He'd flirt with the waitress
The conversation would be all about him
Everything on the menu would be fried
Instead of using his napkin, he'd wipe his mouth with his sleeve
He'd tell filthy jokes with his mouth full of Bar-B-Que ribs
Come on, you know he's an obnoxious drunk, loud and rude
The manager would have to ask him to quiet down
The bill would come and he'd make a big stink about how many drinks he had
He'd stiff the waitress
Patrons would clap as he walked out
He'd insist on driving
He'd throw up on the living room carpet
He'd pass out on the bed next to Laura in his vomit-stained clothes
I'd have to find my own way home
