Fred Thompson Rejects Iraq Proposals

Written by Warren Redlich

Thursday, 12 July 2007


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Fred Thompson on his way to Young Republican meeting

Fred Thompson, who is widely thought to be running for President, criticized a number of other presidential candidates today for their varied proposals to change US strategy in Iraq. Thompson said that we need to stay the course and support our troops.

Speaking at a Young Republicans event in Florida, Thompson attacked recently announced ideas on Iraq. It all started when President Bush announced a Waffle strategy, with other proposals including Giuliani's Pancake, John Kerry's French Toast, Hillary Clinton's Combo, and Barack Obama's Fruit Salad. Thompson said that these ideas were "crazy," and that "the terrorists will eat us for breakfast if we play this way. We've got to stay the course. It's nearly morning in America, and it will soon be morning in Iraq. We have to make the world safe for democracy."

His most vigorous criticism was aimed at the current leading GOP candidates, Rudy Giuliani, John McCain, and Mitt Romney and their Pancake strategy: "They're a bunch of pussies - complete wimps. McCain can't even stand up to his own staff, Romney can't make up his mind, and Giuliani's afraid of his ex-wives - though I can't blame him for that because a few of them are real bitches."

A poorly dressed blogger asked Thompson about someone named Ron Paul. Thompson responded: "Oh, Ron Paul, yeah, he's nutty, but at least he's consistent. A lot better than that Romney character." The Fred Thompson campaign staff did not respond to inquiries about who this Ron Paul might be.

Giuliani retorted that Thompson's speech sounded like "a rehash of Reagan quotes." The McCain campaign could not be reached as they're all yelling at each other. Romney picked up the phone but no intelligible sounds could be heard over the sobbing.

Fred Thompson is a former US Senator from Tennessee. He is perhaps best known as an actor, particularly on the Law & Order group of shows. In some circles he is better known for being married to a totally hot wife and milf, but those people don't vote much.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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