BILLINGSGATE POST: History seldom repeats itself. It just appears so. In Biblical lore, the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse were known as Famine, Pestilence, Destruction and Death. These are only aliases. Bob Kisley was all of these and none.
The stuff of legends: When his family moved to Norfolk in 1953, they arrived in a Hudson Hornet. The Hornet was a six-seater with a “step-down” design that lowered its center of gravity. It had a 210 Horsepower engine that could outrun anything on the road.
When he joined the Eighth-Grade class in mid-term, it didn’t take long for him to make his mark. Coming from California, he had a slicked-down, greasy duck-tail that didn’t fit well with the rest of the boys who had flat-tops. Moving with a grace that bespoke confidence, the Chicks, as he called them, loved him. His James Dean insouciance and puckered lips were what they could only dream of.
Athletically, he was poetry in motion. Even coach Fred Letheby couldn’t help himself:
“I can’t wait till next year when he’s a Freshman. Possibly the most athletic kid I have ever seen. He can run backwards faster than anyone on our present varsity can go forward. Can’t believe he can dunk. The kid’s only 5’6”. Has the moves of a man twice his age.”
Alas! He was one and done. His family moved away. In 1982, when Norfolk Sacred Heart had their 50 year reunion, he almost made it back. Even though the last words to his class were: “I SHALL RETURN,” unlike General Douglas MacArthur’s promise to return to the Philippines in World War II, he never did.
But that is another story. At the reunion, an imposter claiming to be Kisley, was a man from Sumatra. Wearing a long-golden skirt, with a Nehru-type jacket, a black beany-type cap, and silver slippers, the man identified himself as Bob “Kiss Ass” Kisley.
His name was Quilt. No one knows his real name. A friend of Dr. Viscount Billingsgate, the classmate who engineered the ruse, the Man from Sumatra easily fooled the hayshakers from Nebraska. Shaken with guilt, he finally owned up to the hoax.
Footnote: It is rumored that after Bob Kisley passed away, he was stuffed by a taxidermist and stands next to Trigger in Branson, Missouri. If possible, Dr. Billingsgate will have he and Trigger shipped to Norfolk in time for the 70th class reunion in 2027.
Dr. Slim: “What a heart warming story. Too bad he missed his 50th reunion. Will be nice to see him in person, even if he can’t talk to them.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. What can you say to a man that you haven’t seen for 70 years? How’s it going, Dude?”
