BILLINGSGATE POST: Goodbye California, Hello Florida. Tired of dealing with the smirking greaseball who runs California, President Trump today ordered ICE to apprehend Gavin Newscum and send him to Alligator Alcatraz for processing.
Newscum, who just recently crazy glued his hands together because he was accused of having “helicopter hands” when speaking, was last seen boarding an ICE plane in Sacramento, and is currently on his way to Alligator Alcatraz.
To commemorate his visit, Newscum will be issued a preppy pink Lacoste slim fit polo shirt with the iconic green alligator on the chest.
He will only be there a short time. After the customary processing procedure, he will board a plane and be sent to Uganda, where he will be integrated into a tribal society where a bone will be grafted into his lower lip and his slick greasy hair will be braided into corn rows.
What’s next for California, the land of fruits, nuts and vegetables? With gas already 2 bucks higher than anywhere else, how will the rest of us survive without Gavin’s contribution to the inventory?
Dr. Slim: “If he plays his cards right, Uganda will be broke in two years and he will have three wives.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. The best is yet to come for him.”
