BILLINGSGATE POST: Doomsday predictions are a dime a dozen. Most of us are too young to remember Mayan Chief Hokum, who predicted the end of the World, only to have his prophecy overturned by the differential between his Mayan calendar and the Gregorian calendar.
Leap year for him was when humans were sacrificed by being thrown into a volcano.
Dr. Billingsgate, who has no known peers, because he is the only known member of Homo sapiens to score twelve Doctorates, is not confident that the World can survive extinction unless more Dollar General stores are opened. Using his Doctorate in Anthropology as a base to study the rise and fall of different civilizations over the past 4000 years, he found the common denominator being the inequality between the working class and the elite.
Using a template that can only be described as “revolutionary,” he outsourced a small army of shoppers. Funding them with $100 each, he told them to survive the “best they could,” and report back when they ran out of money. Without exception, the ones who shopped at Dollar General stores lasted the longest.
Extrapolating that information, he determined that if everyone shopped at a Dollar General, whether rich or poor, it might save our present civilization, or at the very least, extend it a few years.
Dr. Slim: “Undoubtedly, the Doctor’s a genius. So simple; but yet so profound!”
Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. Hope the Dr. B’s Dollar General stock goes up.”
