BILLINGSGATE POST: Recruiting officers in Ochopee, Florida, announced today that alligator enlistment numbers in the county were up 100 percent. That is where Alligator Alcatraz is located.
President Trump, who visited the new migrant detention center today, wore his MAGA cap today as he spoke to the press.
Pointing to his cap, he said that he would change the “MAGA” to mean “Make American Gators Angry,” as a symbol of his pride in the new staff that will be hired to provide security for Alligator Alcatraz.
Speaking to the new recruits that just recently were languishing in the waterways of the Florida Everglades, looking for meaning in their lives, President Trump said:
“As part of the first class of alligators to volunteer for this sacred duty to protect our nation from foreign predators of all ilk, I hereby declare you all as being an integral part of the last bulwark of defense against the encroaching hordes of illegal aliens who threaten our Nation.”
One of the assembled gators, proudly wearing a MAGA cap, about 6 feet long, with snarly green moss covered teeth, raised his head to address the President:
“Sir: In behalf of my fellow gators, I would like to thank you for giving us the opportunity to serve our country. Guarantf*ckingteeing that me and the boys will make sure that nobody escapes here alive. It is our pleasure to serve you.”
Dr. Slim: “That’s the best guarantee you can get.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. I will sleep better tonight with that in place.”
