BILLINGSGATE POST: In an interview being aired tonight, Elmer Smuckmeister tells Jesse Watters that he believes Iran may have foiled President Trump’s effort to obliterate Iran’s nuclear capability by moving their enriched uranium to Beaver Crossing prior to the bombs blowing up the three Iranian sites where the enrichment facilities were located.
To authenticate his credentials, Smuckmeister, who solely relies on seers and soothsayers for his inside information, asserted that during a seance with Carnac the Magnificent, the self-proclaimed “mystic from the East,” a turbaned man who could psychically divine unknown answers to unseen questions, upon being given a hermetically sealed envelope which was kept in a mayonnaise jar under the custody of Funk and Wagner, uttered the answer to the unseen question:
“SIS….BOOM…BAH!”
Upon opening the sealed envelope, he read the question:
“DESCRIBE THE SOUND WHEN A SHEEP EXPLODES.”
Dr. Slim: “Obviously, a man who knows all, hears all and sees all.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. Who could doubt a man of his credentials?”
