Ted Cruz caught playing with himself in a Senate elevator

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 14 May 2023

image for Ted Cruz caught playing with himself in a Senate elevator
A shocked staffer managed to snap this candid photo of Cruz playing with himself

Senator Ted "Dracula" Cruz has been caught playing with himself in a Senate elevator

Senator Ted Cruz, who is originally from Guatemala, even though he swears he's from Canada, has found himself in yet another misunderstood situation.

In a candid interview with Stephi Sexson from Rumor World, Cruz confessed his affinity for playing Twister by himself in all sorts of confined spaces at work. His favorite spot for Twister sessions is the Senate broom closet, but he encountered an unforeseen obstacle on that particular day. Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren were already in there, playing an intense game of hide the lemon.

Marjorie Taylor Greene said that Cruz once approached her in a Senate cafeteria line and asked if she'd lend a hand spinning his pointer. "He said he wanted to put his left hand on green. I put my right foot where the sun don't shine!"

[PUBLISHER'S NOTE: Cruz won the 2016 solo Twister world championships but was later disqualified as it was revealed he had a secret stash of extra hands and feet hidden in his suit.]

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more