MAR-A-LAGO, Florida - (Satire News) - Trump's chauffeur, Porcello Bickerhay, 39, told a reporter with Omnium Gatherum that the orange blossom asshole, has started eating a dozen (12) Dunkin Donuts for breakfast.
OG writer Ashburn Wasabi, said that Bickerhay told him that the old Nazi pussy grabber says he only sleeps 25 minutes a night.
He added that Trump knows he is headed to prison and that has caused him untold stress, gingivitis, athlete's foot, and crotch itch.
DJT also knows that his estranged wife (Melania) is getting diddled (poked) by her boyfriend LeBron James of the Los Angeles Lakers.
Bickerhay also pointed out that Trump tried to text his former love interest, the stunningly sexy Stormy Daniels, but she has blocked him.
