SAGINAW, Michigan - (Satire News) - Press Extra's Voodoo Dupree has stated that a retired ladies shoe salesman has been taken into custody for mentally, emotionally, and physically abusing his 6-year-old pet Dalmation.
A FedEx delivery man who happened to see the dog through the living room window immediately called animal protection who in turn called the Saginaw Police Department.
Officers arrived at the mobile home of Ludlow F. Skywax. At first Skywax refused to let the policemen in, but after Officer Pellio Honolulu (Badge # 8985321) threatened to tase and pepper spray the ornery cuss, he let the officers in.
They found the dog named Biscuit, sitting quietly with a lampshade on his head.
When asked why he had put the damn shade on his dog's head, Skywax got belligerent, and Officer Honolulu immediately took out his pepper spray and sprayed the dog abuser in his face.
Biscuit was taken to an animal shelter, where he will be put up for adoption and Skywax was taken downtown to the Saginaw Police Department Building.
