BILLINGSGATE POST: In the original cast of Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb, Major T. J. "King" Kong was played by Slim Pickens, who rode the nuclear bomb down to its target. The 1964 film was about what could happen if the wrong person pushed the wrong button. In the movie, U.S. Air Force General Jack Ripper goes completely berserk, and sends his bomber wing to take out the U.S.S.R. He believes the commies are trying to pollute “the precious bodily fluids” of the American people.
In the new version, Major “King” Kong is ready to saddle up again. This time Vladimir Putin will play the role of the silly bastard. Vladimir will be carrying the same survival kit in case the bomb doesn’t detonate over Kyiv, and he is captured: One forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days' concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings.
Quoting Major Kong: “Shoot, a fella' could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.”
Dr. Slim: “I wouldn’t be surprised if Vladimir won the Academy Award for his performance.”
Dirty: “Yo, Doctor Dude. Posthumously, I presume.”
